Caught!
by RavenRamsey
Summary: Daria fears something is severly wrong with her after catching Quinn masturbating.
1. Caught!

Daria woke up to a bright, sunny day. Bright sunlight was streaming through the window as her alarm woke her up for another fabulous day at school. 'Nsync drifted out her radio as she opened her eyes to face another day.  
  
Daria turned of her radio idly wondering in her post sleep fog how long it takes five clones to start breaking down on the molecular level. Singing through quickly disintegrating vocal cords could only improve them.  
  
Daria yawned and slipped out of bed. She sat on the edge of her bed feeling the sunlight on her back, mentally steadying herself for the task of another day of wading through the social swamp of Lawndale High. She gazed at the fuzzy images in front of her picturing the halls filled with laughing, ignorant teens.  
  
Was Columbine really that bad?  
  
She groped her glasses off her nightstand and the world came into sharp focus. Her head still fuzzy, she plodded down the hall towards the bathroom in her nightshirt.  
  
She was passing Quinn's room and remembered she needed to borrow a tube of lipstick from Quinn. It was Daria's intent to use it as a prop in her philosophy presentation. Pointing it out as a thing of such engineered evil it made Hiroshima look like mugging.  
  
Daria was thinking on the irony of using Quinn's fashion predilections to improve marks when she turned the knob without knocking and opened the door.  
  
"Can I borrow a lipstick?" Daria actually managed to get the sentence out before actually looking at the scene in front of her.  
  
Quinn's face in itself was stunning. So etched in pure horror that Daria briefly thought Jane would love to capture it on canvas, mouth hung open and eyes wide and fearful. The rest mad quite a picture too. Quinn was very naked on her bed, her legs spread, knees bent towards the sides and a pink vibrator at her crotch. In the ensuing silence the buzzing was very loud.  
  
Daria's eyes went very wide as she stood frozen, not entirely processing what she was seeing yet. But trying to say something. Anything.  
  
"Uh...sorry," she managed lamely.  
  
Quinn finally managed to find her voice and screeched, "DARIA! GET OUT!"  
  
Daria quickly jumped out of the room and slammed the door behind her. None to soon since her father was sprinting down then hall to see what the scream was. Acting on pure instinct Daria put her back to the door her face still flushed red.  
  
"What is going on? What happened?" Jake panted when he got to the door.  
  
"Nothing dad." Daria deadpanned. "Just your average sisterly bonding."  
  
"Why was Quinn screaming?" he asked, trying to get past Daria who shifted her body with him to block him.  
  
Thinking fast Daria preyed on one of her father's weaknesses.  
  
"Don't worry dad. Quinn is just on her period and is feeling really fat today."  
  
Jake nearly went into a panic as he looked at the door like it was a war zone and slid away down the hall.  
  
Daria let out the breath she hadn't known she had been holding and slumped against the door her head still running at a hundred miles an our. She heard some shuffling behind her and sprinted into the bathroom across the hall, not wanting to deal with seeing Quinn right that second.  
  
Mechanically she took down her underwear and sat on the toilet, peeing. She breathed deeply and tried to order her mind as her bladder emptied. When she was done she still sat there trying to make sense of what had just happened.  
  
"Lets make a list here," she thought to herself.  
  
"Am I dreaming?" she pinched herself. "No."  
  
"Did I imagine that?" she replayed the scene in her head. Her sister on her bed, naked, with a vibrator, the obviousness of what she was doing very apparent. There was no denying what she saw.  
  
"Is this to damn complicated for 7:30 in the morning?" she asked out loud.  
  
The answer to that was obvious. 


	2. Apparently not everybody

Breakfast that morning was certainly an interesting affair. Once Daria had finished in the bathroom and snuck into her room, avoiding contact with anybody in her family, she had ventured downstairs for breakfast. She already knew here mom wouldn't be there because of a breakfast meeting, which would make the morning ritual of disregard a little easier to deal with.  
  
If Quinn's head was any further bent over into her cereal she would need mouth-to-mouth when she started to drown. Her father as normal was hidden behind the morning paper in his usual attempt to avoid contact with his family. At least this morning he had a good reason. Thinking Quinn is PMSing no doubt has him strung tighter then a locked spring.  
  
This was proven when Daria shook her fathers shoulder to get his attention and he nearly bolted out of his seat looking as if he was about to be killed.  
  
"Mind if I have the business section, dad?" Daria asked.  
  
At the sound of her voice it was Quinn's turn to bolt out of her seat, saying something about an emergency fashion club meeting this morning before fleeing out the door in a streak of pink.  
  
Jake gave a loud sigh of relief when Quinn was gone. "I thought she would never leave!"  
  
"You know if you want to get rid of Quinn hit men are very cheap this time of year," Daria said from behind the paper.  
  
"That's not what I meant!" Jake said. "She was just acting so weird and quiet! I thought she was going to snap at any minute!"  
  
"Yeah, periods are regular time bombs. Just going off unexpectedly," Daria intoned.  
  
"Daria." her father started nervously. "Is it true about.what they say."  
  
"Yes, dad, bounty really is the quicker picker upper," she cut in still reading.  
  
"No! I mean about when.females live together.they get it.together." Jake finally managed to mumble out, eyeing his daughter like a ticking time bomb.  
  
Daria looked up from her paper and asked her father, "Gee dad, are you trying to bond with me through my monthly cycles. I'd only be too happy to discuss all the bloody details."  
  
Jake sweated for a second before raising his paper again without a word. Daria gave a little smile and went back to her own.  
  
Daria left the house and headed for Jane's to pick her up. Daria harbored the hidden belief that if she didn't pick up Jane she would just stay home and paint all day. She knocked on the door and as usual Jane answered, ready to go.  
  
"Ready for a fun filled day of school?" Jane asked as she closed and locked the door.  
  
"Why? Is the water supply being spiked today?" Daria asked.  
  
"That was my idea for my science project. Can you believe the teacher said that was illegal? As if science couldn't benefit from seeing Kevin and Britney tripping out." Jane went on.  
  
"I suppose its sciences loss. Can I ask you something?" Daria suddenly inquired.  
  
"If its about Trent's underwear drawer I cont help you there," Jane joked.  
  
"No. Have you ever.caught one of your siblings doing something you never thought they would?" Daria asked, looking to the ground.  
  
"Yeah, my blackmail list is quite extensive. Once I caught Trent in dad's drawers as a kid. The contents of which will never be uttered onto this earth." Jane intoned.  
  
"Okay, but what about when they are in their room.possibly naked.and masturbating." Daria finally managed to say.  
  
Jane stopped dead in her track and just stared at Daria with her usual expression.  
  
"Are you trying to say that you caught Quinn petting her cat?" Jane asked.  
  
"Yep," Daria confirmed. For three of the longest seconds of my life."  
  
"This morning?"  
  
"Yep"  
  
Jane thought about it for a second and said, "You're paying for the pizza after school."  
  
"Why?" Daria asked.  
  
"Because you will be filthy rich after you hang this over her head," Jane said. "So how was she doing it, free handed or foreign object?"  
  
"She had a pink vibrator. Pink to match her sheets I bet. And I don't think I'll be using this against her." Daria intoned as they reached school.  
  
"Why not? You've waited for something this big your whole life." Jane reminded Daria at Jane's locker.  
  
"It freaks me out too much. Sure Quinn is popular and goes out on dates but I never thought of her as a sexual creature. Especially not one to bring about her own satisfaction. It shatters my whole image of her."  
  
They walked down the crowded halls until they get to Daria's locker.  
  
"So instead of just a brain-dead, vacuous ninny, you have to think of her as a sexual brain-dead, vacuous ninny. Yeah I can see the conflict." Jane stated sarcastically.  
  
"You don't get it," Daria said, closing her locker. "Seeing Quinn like that is like your parents doing having sex. It not something that is supposed to happen let along witnessed.  
  
"Ah! What are you getting all uptight about," Jane said outside her class, before going in she said, "I mean the fact is everybody does it, right?" and she disappeared inside.  
  
She didn't notice that Daria's eyes went wide with shock when Jane said that.  
  
It had never crossed Daria's mind to think how many people did that. Jane just said everybody did.  
  
"But I don't." she said to herself before walking to her class in a daze.  
  
This day was not going well. 


	3. So who does?

Daria sat through Mr. O'Neill's English class only half listening to his babble about the virtues on King Lear. Her mind was too taken up with other things to really get into some dumb king who got what he deserved.  
  
Her mind kept on mulling over what Jane had said. About everyone doing it that is. It was one thing to say that everyone was having sex because at least you can say that was wrong. Isn't that wall all those wholesome shows and boresome adults keep telling you? And as irrelevant as their opinion usually was they were right on that score. But masturbation was completely different.  
  
Somehow it seemed possible that everyone did do it. Except her that is. It was taken for granted that all guys did and she could see why. There were only so many drive-in movies with Wendy-Sue you could take before you needed a little relief she guessed.  
  
But to think that girls did.  
  
Most of all to think that Jane did it.  
  
She finally admitted to herself that was what had been poking at her mind. Jane had all but admitted that she did it and Daria was having a hard time dealing with that.  
  
"But why am I?" she said to herself softly. Not softly enough however because Mr. O'Neill heard her and asked effeminately, "what was that, Daria?"  
  
Daria sighed and looked at the clock before she spoke. 15 seconds until the bell." Nothing, Mr. O'Neill. I was just thinking of how King Lear could have avoided all this by keeping his money and taking off to some castle in Florida or maybe filling his house with playboy bunnies." Daria said.  
  
Mr. O'Neill stood confused for a second. He was about to say something when the bell went off the class started heading for the door. Never one for a confrontation Mr. O'Neill let them leave, giving Daria a worried look.  
  
Daria was off to her next class when she saw Jodie at her locker. Strangely even though they weren't actual friends Jodie helped her a lot on a few instances when she needed it. Also she was amazingly discreet, she could be told anything without fear of it slipping.  
  
She walked over to Jodie's locker and said hi.  
  
"Hi, what's up?" Jodie asked, switching books in her bag.  
  
"Well, I wanted to ask your opinion on something," Daria started.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"When someone says that everyone does something, how many people do you think actually do it?"  
  
Jodie closed her locker and stood with her books in front of her skirt. "That depends on what it is?" she asked puzzled.  
  
"Ookaay," Daria drawled slightly. Guess she would have to do this "just for the sake of argument, let's say masturbation, how many people would you say actually do it?"  
  
Jodie's eyes went wide. Even though she was the top student in the school, things still shocked her easily.  
  
"Ummm." Jodie said, struggling to give an intelligent answer. "I wouldn't say everybody does it, but if I was pressed to say, I would say most guys do but fewer girls."  
  
"I see," Daria said. "Why do you think that is?"  
  
Starting to get uncomfortable, Jodie plunged on bravely. "I would have to say that boys are more sexually charged then females, making them more susceptible to bouts of extreme sexual arousal."  
  
"But that doesn't make any sense," Daria said. "Girls get those feelings just the same as guys do." Daria hated when guys were put up higher then girls in anyway and excused for things just because they were in the category of "boys will be boys."  
  
"Well, Daria when it comes to.that," Jodie said. "It just seems more common among guys for some reason."  
  
"Or they admit to it more," Daria added.  
  
They looked at each other for a few seconds before Daria said, "do you ever."  
  
She didn't get to finish as Jodie blurted out, "sorry, I'm late for class, I have to go!" before nearly running down the hall.  
  
Daria was left there surprised at her reaction.  
  
"I'll take that as a maybe," Daria said before heading to her own class.  
  
Across the school at the moment Quinn was quickly making her way over to Tiffany's locker in an attempted to catch her before she left it. Good thing Tiffany couldn't move to quickly. She was on another of her diets and those always managed to slow her down. Under her arm she carried a shoebox. If she could she would have put it in the bag but it was way too small and adorable to fit anything in except a compact.  
  
She caught Tiffany as she struggled to get her books out of her locker and into her own bag, the weight of the Grade 11 General math book obviously overworking her tired muscles.  
  
"Hey Tiffany!" Quinn said, out of breath.  
  
"Hi, Quinn," Tiffany said in that slow, dragging way she had of speaking.  
  
"Here," Quinn said, thrusting the shoebox at Tiffany. "Can you take this back? I don't want it anymore."  
  
"But my little cousin hasn't left town yet and is still sleeping in my room," Tiffany's words crawled. "She may find it."  
  
"Like, I know but I.just an keep it anymore.its.distracting!" Quinn finally managed.  
  
Tiffany had finally managed to get her book into her bag and haul it onto her back without breaking it. "Sorry Quinn," she started. "But you'll have to keep it for now." And started to coolly stagger away. Before two steps she turned around and said, "Hey, why don't you try using it?" before turning back around and walking off.  
  
Quinn held the box in horror and felt like she wanted to cry.  
  
This day sucked! 


	4. The search begins!

Daria waited outside Jane's art class waiting for her to come out, trying with all her might not to think. Of course this exercise was met with a lot of resistance. Jane finally emerged and saw Daria waiting for her.  
  
"Hey, what's up?" Jane asked.  
  
Daria just looked at her best friend for a second before saying, "I hate you."  
  
"Whoa! What did I do?" Jane asked surprised.  
  
"You got me thinking about stuff I never wanted to think about, that's what," Daria said as they started walking. "Now every time I look at people I'm wondering if they have any solitary activities I don't know about."  
  
"Oh is that what your complaining about?" Jane said. " Aren't you the one whose always looking for new and creative ways to look t the world?"  
  
"Wondering who masturbates is hardly the view I wanted." Daria retorted.  
  
Jane stopped walking. "Why has this gotten to you so bad? I mean its nothing really new and the truth is probably everybody who passes you does it."  
  
"Do you?" Daria asked, almost afraid of the answer.  
  
"Do you really think I stay in bed 16 hours a day just sleeping?" Jane joked. When she saw that Daria didn't find it at all funny she added, "don't look at me as if I'm a criminal. It's just something that you do sometimes for various reasons, like boredom. And why am I defending myself! Like you've never done it!"  
  
Daria looked her friend right in the eyes for a moment and then began walking again.  
  
"Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Just hang on a second," Jane said catching up to her friend. "Are you telling me you've never done it?"  
  
"Could you say that a little louder? The people in Australia would hate to be the last ones to know," Daria deadpanned.  
  
"Sorry," Jane said in a softer voice. "But its hard for me to believe you've never done the old once over."  
  
"Well believe it," Daria said simply.  
  
Struggling to get this idea around her mind she asked why.  
  
"I don't know," Daria shrugged. "Just never felt like mauling my own body I suppose."  
  
"Daria!"  
  
"Okay, okay!" she said. "I know its not dirty and a lot of people do it but what I have a problem with is the thinking that I'm the only one not doing it. A view that I'm starting to think is maybe true."  
  
Jane leaned against a locker and sighed. This conversation was not going to go well. "Daria listen, maybe not everybody does it but most people do and damn near all teenagers. Also geriatrics but we wont get into that."  
  
Daria smiled at the joked. "But I can't be the only. Just finding one other would make me feel a whole lot better."  
  
"Then all you have to do is find someone stupid enough to admit that they either do or don't."  
  
"Why do they have to be stupid?"  
  
"Because the smart people would lie."  
  
Thinking back to her conversation with Jodie she had to admit Jane had a point.  
  
"So who is stupid enough to talk about this?" Daria asked.  
  
They both looked away from the lockers just in time to see Kevin and Brittany walking vacantly down the halls. Jane and Daria shared an identical look and approached the two populars.  
  
"Oh hi, Daria!" Brittany exclaimed squeakily.  
  
"Hey Jane!" Kevin said with a broad and empty-headed smile.  
  
"Hey," Daria and Jane said together so their attention wouldn't have to be divided, then Daria said, "can I ask you two a question?"  
  
"Cool, I like questions!" Kevin said.  
  
"Yeah!" Brittany bubbled. "What is it, Daria?"  
  
Daria briefly thought that Brittany always repeated the name of those she spoke to was so she didn't forget who she was addressing.  
  
"I was wondering if you two ever masturbate?" Daria asked in a weather-the- weather type of tone.  
  
Jane had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing very loudly. The looks of absolute shock and fear was so etched right into every muscle of their bodies in exactly the same way she wished she had an easel and some oil paints.  
  
"Daria!" Brittany squealed. "How can you ask something like that?"  
  
"Yeah!" Kevin piped in all indignant. "After all I don't need to do since Brittany and I have sex everyday in the stockroom!"  
  
Brittany screamed in shock and slapped Kevin saying, "you can't say that in front of people!"  
  
"Don't worry, Brittany," Jane said. "At least there will be no rumours that your masturbate!"  
  
"Yeah!" Kevin agreed.  
  
Brittany "thought" about it and nodded her blond head. "Yeah! I guess your right! I'm sorry I slapped you!"  
  
"Its okay, babe!" Kevin said. "You know how I love the rough stuff!"  
  
"And today's theme has become 'too much information day'" Daria said.  
  
"Oh Kevy! I love you! Do you want to go back to our special place?" Brittany asked.  
  
"Sure, babe! Its been like," Kevin vainly tries to make sense of the clock on the wall and said, "forever since we were there!" in truth it had only been about 15 minutes.  
  
Jane and Daria watched then walk away and then looked at each other.  
  
"Maybe we need a new game plan for this project," Jane mused. 


	5. This time its personal!

Daria was in the ladies room again relieving herself before her next class. She had now adopted the mission of proving Jane wrong on her theory that everyone masturbated. Except Daria that is.  
  
She looked down to where her skirt covered the sight between her legs and past that to her underwear bunched around her knees. She suddenly realized how that part of her always seemed to be covered and when it wasn't, never for long. Sure she had no real desire to look at it but wasn't it strange that she had never really looked at it? Daria tried to think of a time when she had actually looked down there. She couldn't think of one.  
  
"Is that normal?" she said out loud.  
  
"What?" Jane said from outside the stall.  
  
"Umm.nothing." Daria said.  
  
Daria made sure the door was latched properly. She took a deep breath and slowly pulled back the front of her black skirt revealing more of her thighs. She kept pulling it back until she saw one harsh, brown wisp of hair and yanked it back down. A panicky feeling had lodged itself in her throat, making it hard to breath. She leaned back and took deep breaths until she was calm again.  
  
"Jesus, what is wrong with me?" she asked herself as she stood and pulled her underwear back up.  
  
Jane was waiting for her when she emerged from the stall.  
  
"Are you okay?" Jane asked concerned.  
  
"Yeah, but I'm starting to think I may have some issues," Daria said washing her hands.  
  
Grabbing her heart dramatically, Jane said, "you? Have issues?"  
  
"Oh shut up."  
  
Daria was out the door and away before a stunned Jane could even say anything.  
  
**********************  
  
Daria's next class was Ms. Barch's. Usually the high point of any day for Daria she wasn't sure she was up for Ms. Barch's sexist bashing which only too frequently revolved around sex itself.  
  
Surprisingly the class went rather smoothly with only a few barbs launched at the male "members" in the class. But ten minutes to the bell something strange happened.  
  
"All right! All 'males'," Ms. Barch announced, putting as much contempt into "male" as was humanly possible. "Are excused for the remainder of the class. Us girls have some things to discuss."  
  
All the boys quickly and quietly scampered out of the room and their teacher slammed the door after them.  
  
"All right girls," she began addressing the dozen or so females. "Its time we had a little talk."  
  
"About what?" one girl asked.  
  
"About how men think your body is nothing but a pleasure reciprocal to their elitist prong of global and spiritual destruction!" Ms. Barch declared.  
  
Daria shut her eyes in anguish and thought, 'I really don't need this today!'  
  
"AND," she continued, "you must remember that your body is a sacred thing where in 99% of cases, far too good for any man to lay their slimy, infidelity ridden fingers on! Always remember you can't let your body be polluted by their inherent evil and ability to throw away twenty years of marriage for longer legs and perkier boobs!!!!!!"  
  
Ms. Barch's rant ended with her saying, "its almost better to do something yourself then let someone else fumble around with it in the dark while he is probably thinking of someone else!" Ms. Barch took some breaths to calm herself before she let the class go.  
  
**********************  
  
Jane found Daria leaning against her locker in apparent deep thought.  
  
"Hey!" Jane said a little apprehensive.  
  
"Do you want to make a bet?" Daria asked.  
  
"Umm, sure, on what?"  
  
"If I can prove conclusively that I'm not the only one who never does it then you buy the pizza for a month."  
  
"Whoa! Well, first I don't think you can do it, and second why do you want to make it a bet?"  
  
Daria pushed off her locker and said, "Because I suddenly feel that if I can't prove this, I will go insane. Lets go."  
  
Jane followed her friend and said, "This should be an interesting day!" 


	6. Blackmail does pay off!

"Okay, considering you can't trap the student body in the gym and threaten them with death, which I wouldn't be against mind you, how do you plan on doing this?"  
  
Jane had a very good point! How did you go about finding out something like the masturbation rate of your high school?  
  
"Come with me," Daria said. Knowing something interesting was about to happen Jane followed.  
  
Daria made a quick pit stop at Upchuck's locker.  
  
"Hey, Upchuck," Daria said. "Can I borrow your camera? I know you carry one all the time?"  
  
Upchuck gave his heart melting and stomach churning leer of a smile. "Ladies! Now how do you know I carry a camera, hmmm?"  
  
"Because everyday at 2:15 you hide in the girls locker room to take photos of the cheerleaders undressing." Jane filled in.  
  
Upchuck looked like he had been hit with a sledgehammer. Sweat broke out on his waxy forehead as he gulped nervously. "Uhh.I have no idea what you mean.."  
  
"Don't screw with us, Upchuck," Daria challenged. " We know what you do. The only reason you even get away with it is a) because we don't care and b) they're too vapid to hear a faint clicking sound. Just lend me your camera for a sec and then you can go back to your perverted lecherous ways!"  
  
Upchuck sweated for a second before hanging his head, reached into his locker and took out a camera with a telescopic lens and handed it over to Daria.  
  
"Thanks," Jane said with a smirk. "And tell anyone of this transaction and you'll know the rage of 20 pom-poms bashing you over the head!"  
  
Still not looking the two blackmailers in the eyes he nodded at the ground. Both girls grinned to each other and left him sulking.  
  
"So just what are we going to do with a camera" Jane asked. Marching along towards the gym area Daria simply said you'll see.  
  
Daria rounded a corner and headed for the door of the boys locker room, not breaking stride. 'No she isn't," Jane thought to herself as she followed. 'She wouldn't!' Daria readied the camera as she walked and burst right through the door ahead of Jane, taking quick snap shots all around her of the very naked football team.  
  
As she snapped away at the surprised jocks Daria thought how weird it was that she could take naked pictures of the football team, zooming in on strategic areas, and not even flinch, but she tries to look at herself down there and she hyperventilates.  
  
All the jocks had now caught on and were dashing about covering themselves with towels and yelling at Daria.  
  
"What the fuck are you doing?"  
  
"Get the fuck outta hear!"  
  
"This is the boys fucking locker room!"  
  
Jane walked in after Whistled appreciatively at all the semi-nude football flesh. "You know, usually when I have this dream all of you are in loin cloths and I'm Queen Cleopatra."  
  
None of the jocks seemed to find that funny at the moment.  
  
"All right, here's the deal," Daria began. "I'm going to ask some question. You're going to answer them. If you don't, the whole school sees just how small your dicks are." There was a loud uproar.  
  
"Hell no, you crazy bitch!"  
  
"Fuck you, skank!"  
  
"Suck me cock, dyke!"  
  
"Are they really that small?"  
  
Daria zoomed in on this voice. It was one of the three J's huddled in a corner with the other two. Damned if she could remember which one but she would use him anyway.  
  
"I'm afraid so," Daria said with mock resignation. "Your all below the national average. Experts say that extreme amounts of physical endurance can stunt the growth of the male sex organs." Of course this was all bullshit but looks of fear passed over most of their faces. She was after all a brain and would know about these things.  
  
A second J said, "So football made all of our dicks shrink?"  
  
"Yep," Jane piped in, wanting to torture the ignorants a bit. "Your all on the low side of the package court because of it."  
  
Now the fear was palatable in the locker room as it spread like a virus through underused brain cells.  
  
"So what do you want?" Kevin said. He wasn't immediately visible until other players moved to show him quite naked and holding his priceless jewels in his hands like an old miser hording treasure.  
  
"As I said just answer my questions and no one gets hurt," Daria said. Unable to resist pounding her point home she added. "I'm sure Brittany would love to know why there are naked pictures of you hanging on the walls of school."  
  
Jane got in on the action and said, "and Daria, I'm sure Quinn would love to see the itty-bitty-cocktail-weenies on the three J's over there." The 3 J's shook in fear.  
  
"Too true, Jane." Daria turned back to the room and said, "Now, who's going to cooperate?"  
  
Whoever was able to raise a hand without displaying too much did and the rest murmured yes.  
  
"All right," Daria said as she and Jane went to sit down. They noticed that all the benches were wet with sweat and shower water. "First we need some towels to sit on. Right now!" Daria brandished the camera again. All ready well trained by Quinn the three J's got them and laid them out.  
  
Daria got comfortable and said, "okay, first question, "who here in this room masturbates?"  
  
There was a moment of shocked silence before every single free hand went up. The ones who couldn't simply nodded. Jane grinned and Daria frowned. She looked at Jane, capturing her attention from the naked jocks and said, "Okay, so these oversexed jocks do, doesn't mean a thing."  
  
"Right," Jane drawled.  
  
"Whatever," Daria said. "All right, how many of you have girlfriends?"  
  
This time most of the jocks did but not all. The three J's got into an argument about who was dating Quinn and Jane quickly silenced them with a warning.  
  
"Okay, and how many of you know for sure that your girlfriends masturbate?" Daria asked.  
  
This time nobody raised there hand. But then one timid hand rose very low.  
  
"Hey you!" Jane said with command, loving this. "Front and centre!"  
  
The timid football player scampered forward with down cast eyes. Neither girl knew him.  
  
"So who is your girlfriend?" Daria asked with some interest. Sure she technically was looking for girls who didn't masturbate but this was too good to pass up.  
  
The jock mumbled something that they couldn't hear.  
  
"What?" both girls said at once.  
  
The jock looked around nervously, leaned in and whispered a name that shocked the two girls to the very foundations of their souls!  
  
"...Sandi Griffin." 


	7. A complete set

Daria and Jane's mouth's gaped open as the two most improbable words came out of the jocks mouth. When Daria had come in here and successfully taken the entire football team hostage she had only been hoping to find another, like her, who didn't masturbate. This was not what she had been looking for.  
  
"You're shitting me!" Jane was finally able to say. "If your lying there will be hell to pay naked-boy!" she added clicking off the camera for emphasis.  
  
The boy flinched and said, "Yes, yes!"  
  
Daria finally found her voice and asked, "just how do you know this?" she hardly thought that her masturbation episodes came up during phone conversations. The boy went really red, very visible since he was wearing nothing. The shade enveloped his whole body. The boy looked around and suddenly noticed that the rest of the guys were listening with great interest, trying to hear who this chick was. The boy leaned in closer and Jane gave him her ear. He whispered so low that even Daria couldn't hear and she was right beside Jane. Suddenly Jane's eyes went twice their normal size and the boys head moved away. Jane just stared at him, her mouth trying to articulate the emotions she felt. She finally found the word she was looking for.  
  
"Ew." She said simply. "Tell Daria what you just told me."  
  
"Are you sure I should hear this?" Daria asked dolefully. Jane nodded her head grimly and Daria turned her ear towards the boy. He leaned in and whispered.  
  
Daria would wish she hadn't.  
  
In low voice he said, "sometimes she lets me watch her do it..."  
  
Daria whipped her head away. "Oh my god!" she exclaimed. Her hands flew to her ears but the damage was done. "Why did I have to know this?" Jane put her arm around her friend's shoulders.  
  
"Don't worry, Daria." She comforted. "After all this is over we'll get you some nice psycho-analysis." She looked at the clock. "Lunch is half over, we better book and let these manly men get to their practice."  
  
Daria, trying desperately to not let any mental images sneak into her mind, nodded and followed her friend out. Right outside the door they bumped into Mack, the head of the football team and ironically the only member either of the girls could stand.  
  
"Hey, Mack," Daria said to the stunned boy upon their exit of the boys change room.  
  
"You picked a good day to show up late for practice," Jane tossed over he shoulder as they left him there, vaguely afraid of even entering the room now.  
  
*************************  
  
Quinn stood in front of her locker, looking at the box that contained all the trouble in her life right then. She franticly thought of ways to get rid of it while paranoid thoughts ran through her head.  
  
What if someone broke into her locker and found the box?  
  
What if Ms. Li did a random locker search that day?  
  
What if she felt like using it again? What if she became addicted? What if it took over her life?  
  
What if other people found out? What if Daria told everyone? What if.  
  
Just then a loud and cheery voice spoke behind her, nearly putting Quinn through the ceiling.  
  
"Hi, Quinn!"  
  
She whirled around to see Stacy smiling at her.  
  
"STAAAACCCCY!!!" Quinn whined loudly. "Don't sneak up on me like that. I'm very edgy right now and don't need any more shocks to my system. I'll get wrinkles!" Quinn turned to the full-length mirror on the inside of her locker door to check.  
  
How do you get a full-length mirror for a locker?  
  
Obviously you've never looked hard enough!  
  
"Sorry, Quinn," Stacy bubbled. "I just wanted to say hi!" Stacy looked into Quinn's locker and saw the box. "Oh! You've got Tiffany's vibrator now!" Stacy said in a voice much too loud. Quinn pounced on Stacy and clamped her hand over Stacy's mouth.  
  
"Shhhh!!!" Quinn hissed. "Not so loud! How do you know what it is?"  
  
"I kept it for her once when her parents were doing room checks after Ms. Li sent that pamphlet about drugs." Stacy said once she was free.  
  
Quinn started to panic royally. "Well, its not like I used it or anything! I was just holding it for her! I would never in a million years."  
  
"Whoa!" Stacy broke in, chattering blithely away. "I believe you. Although I did. It was so cool, the way it can work on your clit and-"  
  
Quinn clapped her hands on her ears, "LA-LA-LA-LA-LALALA-LALA-LA-LA! I'M NOT HEARING THIS! I'M NOT HEARING THIS!"  
  
Stacy stopped babbling and said, "Whoops, sorry. Too much information?"  
  
"Like, duh!" Quinn shot back, then got an idea. "So, you really like it, huh?" she said taking the box out of her locker.  
  
"Yeah. It was fun!"  
  
"Good!" Quinn squealed and thrust the box into Stacy's chest where she grabbed. "Keep it for Tiffany will you?" Quinn said as she slammed her locker shut and started to head off.  
  
"B-but."  
  
"Thanks! I'll call you later!" Quinn said before disappearing, leaving Stacy holding the box. She looked at it for a few seconds then checked the clock. It was 15 minutes until lunch was over. After an extremely short debate she headed off towards the girls bathroom.  
  
*************************  
  
Ten minutes later Daria and Jane walked into the girl's bathroom. Daria hadn't eaten anything and was amazed that Jane could after what they had just heard. When they walked in they hadn't been talking and immediately heard a strange sound. It was so out of place that even Daria couldn't place it at first. Both girls stood quietly as the faint buzzing droned on. It was very low; if they had been talking they wouldn't have heard it at all! They looked at each other before following the sound along the row of toilets. They got to the last one where the buzzing was the loudest. Now they could also hear low but heavy breathing. That's when it clicked in for Daria.  
  
"Quinn?" the name was startled out of Daria. The breathing stopped immediately but the buzzing didn't, as if the occupant was in total paralyzing fear. Then Jane did the last thing Daria expected her to do. She jumped and caught the top of the door and looked in. there was Stacy, her pants and what seemed to be a turquoise thong around her ankles, knees spread wide and pink vibrator in hand. Stacy's head whipped up and looked at Jane in completely blank terror. Jane looked down at Daria. "Nope, not Quinn." Then got down.  
  
There was a shuffling of clothes from inside and after a long few minutes Stacy came out of the stall, clutching the box to her chest and softly crying. Daria couldn't help but feel some relief. At least her sister wasn't THAT stupid!  
  
"Looks like we can add Stacy here to our collection of fashion club degenerates." Jane said while Stacy cried harder.  
  
"Stop it, Jane," Daria said and spoke to Stacy. "What are you doing with my sister's vibrator?"  
  
"Yeah," Jane cut in. " I know you swap accessories but this is just unsanitary!"  
  
"Its not Quinn's!" Stacy sobbed. "It's Tiffany's!" for the second time that day both girls mouths dropped open. That's when the bell rang.  
  
Daria shook her head, looked at the ground and sighed, "I may never eat again." 


	8. Meanstreak

Jane followed Daria down the hallway as they headed to class.  
  
"Okay," Jane said. "Lets go over this one more time. Why are we going to find Tiffany?"  
  
"Because I have a few questions for her," Daria answered plainly.  
  
"And just what are those questions?"  
  
"To find out why she has this thing?"  
  
"Which brings me to my next question," Jane went on, looking at the shoebox under Daria's arm. "Why did you take that from Stacy?"  
  
"Because it's ruining my life and it's going back to where it came from." Daria answered, stuffing the box in her bag as they entered Mr. DeMartino's class.  
  
After Stacy had stopped crying Daria had managed to confuse poor Stacy long enough to get the hated box from her and head off to class. It's amazing what the threat of school wide humiliation can accomplish in one day.  
  
"Jane! Daria!" Mr. DeMartino barked, one eye bulging. "Can you please explain to me why you're late for class?"  
  
Daria took a mental bet that the eye would explode within the next five years and responded, "sorry, we were attending to some urgent business with a member of the fashion club."  
  
"W-e-e-ll," Mr. DeMartino drawled sarcastically, "as important as the counting of fusia beads are to the well being of the planet I insist that you be on time! Do you understand?"  
  
"Yes, Mr. DeMartino," Jane and Daria chorused and sat down.  
  
Daria was rummaging through her bag just as she heard a voice hiss, "and just what kind of business would you two fashion disasters have with MY fashion club?"  
  
Daria looked up to see Sandi Griffin sitting beside her.  
  
"Did you switch classes?" Daria asked annoyed. She was the last person she wanted to see right now.  
  
"Yes I did," she said haughtily. "I couldn't stand Mrs. Bennett's class anymore, and don't change the subject, what do you losers have to do with MY fashion club?"  
  
Suddenly Daria felt very angry. Here was a girl that was acting all high and mighty like she was so above everyone but she lets her boyfriend watch her.do that! Daria reached into her bag and pulled out the box and placed it on her own desk.  
  
"Does this look familiar?" Daria asked. She didn't know for sure that Sandi had even seen it.  
  
Sandi took one look at the box and her eyes went wide for a second in recognition before her calm demeanor slid back on. Daria had to give her points for that.  
  
"I have no idea what that is!" Sandi said before turning around to look t the front. Did Daria see a little high color enter her face? It filled Daria with satisfaction. Daria stuffed the box in her bag and said loud enough for Sandi to hear. "Hey, Jane. Isn't it disgusting what some people will do in front of others, say boyfriends for instance, and actually find that exciting?"  
  
Jane who had been watching the whole thing stuttered uncertainly. Daria looked at Sandi from the corner of her eye. Sandi was still sitting rigid, in her chair but then a single tear rolled down Sandi's cheek. It was such a shock that Daria's head slowly turned, creaking, to look fully at Sandi. Daria stopped breathing at the shock. Suddenly Sandi grabbed her bag, got up, and walked out of the room with as much dignity as she could muster.  
  
"And just where are you going, young lady?" Mr. DeMartino asked gruffly, "another fashion club emergency?" he added sarcastically. He never got an answer.  
  
Daria still sat in total shock at what she had done.  
  
"I can't believe you did that," Jane said. She had never seen Daria rip into someone like that before. Even when she was feeling her worst she never took it out on someone. She couldn't believe she had done that.  
  
Neither could Daria 


	9. Unlikely Allys

Once again, Daria found herself sitting in a bathroom stall, the same one that she had her episode in earlier, trying to figure herself out. The scene of her being so mean to Sandi, to her face, ran through her mind like some horrible prison movie. The pink shoebox sat on her knees as she waited out the end of Mr. DeMartino's class. She had excused herself shortly after Sandi had made her exit. She hadn't wanted Jane to follow but it hurt when she didn't try.  
  
Daria took deep breaths and tried to calm her mind. It was the only thing she had going for her in her life and it was betraying her. The usual unruffled scape of her mind was now in chaos and doing what it liked. That comment about Sandi seemed to have come out of nowhere. The shock she felt had been mirrored by the look on Jane's face. How could she be so heartless even if it was someone who had been asking for it since she was conceived?  
  
"Okay, why was I such a bitch?" Daria asked herself out loud. She looked down at the shoebox on her lap, envisioning what was inside. "It has been a pretty trying day and even my superhuman sardonic look on life has its limits."  
  
Her mind flipped back to earlier that day when that nameless boy had told her and Jane about Sandi's predilection. "But how could she do something like that? Nobody actually does things like that." Daria remembered talking to Jane about masturbation.  
  
"Or am I the only one again?" Daria sighed. "Does everyone have this secret life except for me?" why did she always have to be so different. She had always known and accepted that she was an outsider but she had hoped that this one thing was her common link with the rest of the bipeds on this Earth.  
  
Flashes of her earlier visit to the stall, raising her skirt and the hyperventilation. She hung her head.  
  
"I'm a freak."  
  
************************  
  
Jane hunted through the entire school until she found what she was looking for. Or whom should I say.  
  
She finally found her where she knew she would be, crouched in a bathroom stall, crying her eyes out. Jane jumped, caught the top of the door and peered down.  
  
"I need to talk to you," she said simply before she dropped back down. She had to wait a few seconds before so Sandi could fix her make-up and come out.  
  
"What do you want, loser?" Sandi spat out. "Haven't you and your pathetic friend destroyed my life enough?"  
  
"Relax, will you?" Jane said soothingly. "No one is going to find out about your little exhibitionism, kay? I need your help."  
  
Jane would never admit such a thing out loud but she knew that Sandi was by far the shrewdest of the four fashion fakers. While any of the other three would have looked at Jane blankly for a few seconds, Sandi said immediately, "and just what kind of help would you need from me?"  
  
"I need you to help me help Daria."  
  
Sandi gave one loud laugh. "Has the flow of blood finally realized how ugly you are and abandoned your head? Why should I help her?"  
  
"Because I think she's falling apart," Jane said, all too seriously. "She only said what she said because she's had the mother of all bad days. She thinks that there is something really wrong with her and she can't handle it."  
  
"Helloooo," Sandi taunted, "anyone can tell you there is something wrong with her. She's crazier then a-" Sandi never got to finish her sentence as she found herself pushed up against a wall with Jane holding the front of her shirt.  
  
"Finish that sentence and all your pretty hair goes bye-bye," Jane said coldly. Sandi didn't flinch and matched her look by didn't say anything.  
  
Jane released her hold and said, "will you help me or not?  
  
"What's in it for me?" Sandi asked.  
  
"No one finds out about how you apply a different kind of lip gloss for your boy toy on the football team." Jane smirked.  
  
"How did you find out about that, anyway?"  
  
"That is part of why you, me and the rest of the fashion club have to help Daria. If you agree to help me then I'll tell you everything."  
  
For the first time Sandi showed a little fear, "why the rest of the fashion club?"  
  
"Because all of you freaks started this," Jane shot. She caught herself before she fell into the trap that Daria was in, thinking 'glass houses and all that', "and I need you four to help stop."  
  
Sandi sighed regally and paused before tossing her hair and saying, "what do we have to do?"  
  
"Just what you and the rest of this school seems to have a problem doing. Tell the truth and not be ashamed of it." With that Jane turned and walked out of the girl's room with Sandi close behind. 


	10. The Meeting

This had to be the weirdest meeting of the Lawndale High fashion club ever in its long and illustrious history.  
  
Sandi had someway gotten the rest of the fashion club members out of their afternoon classes for this emergency meeting. Apparently the Fashion club was the only club in the school that actually brought in some sort of money for the school. So obviously Ms. Li loved them. So obviously if anyone fucked with them they found themselves looking down a very dark and unpleasant hole.  
  
Jane sat facing the group of Fashion vixens (or victims if you will) thinking of where this had to start. She only really had a half formed thought of where the fuck this was going? How was she going to use these girls who were both thick of skull and think of eyeliner to help Daria? All she knew was that it started with them and they had to get it fixed.  
  
"Okay, Sandi," Quinn was the first to chirp when she eyed Jane glaring at her. "While I'm sure we are all thankful to get out of class earlier I just have to know why she is here?"  
  
"Yeah" Tiffany drawled. "Is this like an emergency makeover or something?"  
  
Stacy suddenly jumped to her feet and dashed over to Jane and started to paw her clothes and hair.  
  
"You know with a few more colors and a nice crop on your hair and a few bangles."  
  
Jane gave a quick frightened look to Sandi and said, "get her off me! Get her off me!"  
  
Sandi rolled her eyes, "like, Stacy, I think you need to lay off the speed pills a bit."  
  
Stacy suddenly looked like Sandi had shot her dog, or mother, or worse yet her collection of 17 magazines.  
  
"WHY?"  
  
"Look, we know they help you stay slim but your getting way to hyper," she replied haughtily. "Now sit!"  
  
Stacy obeyed like a good little dog.  
  
"Number 7 on my list of things I never want to go through is checked off," Jane muttered to herself.  
  
"All right, Jane," Sandi said sneering her name. "I got everyone here. Now tell us what you want and what is going on?"  
  
Jane took a deep breath, bracing herself to tell these people everything she knew.  
  
By the end of the tale every fashion club member was staring at Jane in embarrassment or disbelief. All except one.  
  
"I don't get it," Tiffany dragged out.  
  
"Stop it, the shock may kill me," Jane deadpanned.  
  
"Tiffany, she's saying she knows about your toy and stuff we do that she should die foe knowing." Sandi filled in.  
  
"No, not that," the words dragged out again. "I mean I don't get why it's a big deal."  
  
Everyone just stared at Tiffany before saying "huh?"  
  
"I mean," she dragged on. "We all do it so why is it such a big deal?"  
  
"Tiffany, that is like just not something you talk about, okay? Its icky!" Quinn interjected.  
  
"If it's so 'icky'," Jane mimicked, "then why were you oil drilling this morning?"  
  
Quinn blushed but didn't answer.  
  
Tiffany seemed to perk up at this comment, "did you enjoy it?"  
  
"Jeeze, Tiffany. This is like too gross to talk about!" Sandi sniffed.  
  
"No, its not!" Jane exclaimed, finally totally understanding. "That's what the problem is!"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Sandi asked snidely.  
  
"The problem is that this stuff is made to be so dirty. I mean everyone in this room masturbates but we can't admit it? Why not? I mean everybody does it so why does it have to be so bad?" Jane ranted on, the always anarchist.  
  
Sandi who understood social taboos said, "Because that's just the way it is!"  
  
"Well this 'way' is ripping Daria apart! We have to show her that the things that happen with the body aren't dirty. If we don't make her see that, she will go nuts."  
  
Quinn, actually worried about her sister asked, "will she really?"  
  
Jane looked at her grimly, "she's already in bad shape I think. You know Daria, she would never admit it but she is." Jane addressed the entire room. "Look guys, I know you don't like me or Daria but she really needs our help. But the only we can help her is admitting to ourselves that masturbation and our bodies aren't gross or disgusting."  
  
Even Tiffany got a thoughtful look on her face in the ensuing silence.  
  
When it came it was simple.  
  
"All in favor of helping Jane help Daria stay sane?" Sandi said.  
  
The three other fashion club members said aye.  
  
Sandi looked at Jane.  
  
"Alright, lets do this!" 


	11. Remembering how she was

Maybe hell had frozen over and Satan was enjoying a sno-cone because Daria had decided she had had enough of Lawndale High hell for one day and skipped last period. She just didn't know if her fragile mind could take Mrs. Bennet's chalkboard choreography. In her currant state she was pretty sure she would stab the nice lady with the fashion clubs own vibrator.  
  
The implement in question was still under her arm as she arrived at an empty home, Helen not expected for several hours and Jake probably kissing someone's ass to get them to accept his ideas.  
  
"Another wonderful day like all the others," Daria droned as she headed to her room. She placed the shoebox on her bed, grabbed a chair and simply looked at it. She couldn't even bring herself to open the thing and look at its contents.  
  
She tried to imagine herself using that.thing on herself and couldn't. Just the thought caused a knot of nausea to cramp her stomach. Just thinking of herself succumbing to that kind of pleasure was beyond her. She could solve complex mathematical logarithms in her head but she couldn't just be comfortable with her body.  
  
She got up and went to her closet and opened the door. On the inside was a black sheet tacked to the top of the door. She pulled the tacks away and let the sheet fall to show a full-length mirror. On one of her "get Daria pretty" binges, Helen had installed it, thinking her eldest daughter would actually look at herself when getting dressed. It almost hurt how little her mother really knew her. Of course she would have to actually care what her mother thought to be hurt by her lack of interest.  
  
Slowly she shed her pea green jacket, her throat closing up at the thought of what she was going to do. She let her throat open slow as she stared at her bare arms, thin and pale in, sprouting from her tarnished gold tee shirt.  
  
Like a wall breaking, a memory flooded her mind. She had been seven, sitting in her room quietly as she always did. She had been reading a book on biology she had gotten from the library and just gotten to the part about the reproductive organs of the female human.  
  
Daria took off her boots and socks. Her feet were bigger then normal, hence the huge boots. They reminded her of snowshoes that the Inuit use to get around. They were attached lumpy ankles and pale calves, knobby knees where her legs disappeared under her shirt. She let her heart slow down as she remembered.  
  
She had looked at the diagram, wondering if she looked like that. There was no funny feelings or vague sexual tension in herself as she stripped with a quickness she couldn't do now. Just the old curiosity about how things worked.  
  
Her trembling hands took hold of the bottom of her shirt and slowly inched it up, doing her best not to close her eyes. She had always closed her eyes while dressing and never thought it odd until this day of revelation. Her flat stomach began to show in the widening gap. Her puckered belly button appeared. She thought of how other girls loved to show this off, how a scar could be seen as sexy. More white skin was reflected back at her in the mirror as her throat threatened to close forever if she didn't stop. It was like her body was waging war on her mind for even trying to do this. Her rational mind fought to raise that shirt higher. Her white bra appeared, cupping small breasts, above her skin blemishless and stretched over so you could faintly see the ripple of ribs. It didn't help to think that the fashion club worked everyday to get this slim. To Daria she was grotesque. The shirt raised, caught her glasses, let go and passed over her head. Breathing slow and deep, trying to remember so the panic can pass.  
  
Small Daria placed the book in front of her, legs spread wide on either side of it. She sat naked and unselfconscious comparing various parts of her anatomy to the ones in the book. She was bright enough to know tat she wouldn't look exactly like the diagrams of the grown woman but she could reason that she had many of the same attributes just on a smaller scale.  
  
Daria hooked her thumbs in her black skirt and forced her eyes to stay open. She pushed the elastic waist down over her hips and butt, down her slender thighs so it dropped on the floor. Her whole body was trembling now with irrational shame as seeing herself like this.  
  
Small Daria didn't feel shame when her small hands had gone to her crotch and pulled the preformed labia of her vagina apart and looked inside as best she could, seeing the same parts as in the book but on a smaller scale. She saw something in the pictures called a clitoris and searched it out, the book being a bit vague as to its purpose.  
  
Daria looked in the mirror gravely. Her hands felt like they had weights attached to them as she reached behind her and unclasped the bra. Her eyes almost betrayed her in looking away, the lids trying to shutter close from the sight. She forced them right and watched the garment fall to the floor and her breasts came into view. The pain in her stomach was now a real living thing, cramping her guts in twists of revulsion. She feared she may vomit but she had to do this. She had never wanted to be one of the happy "normal" people but this was one difference she had to rid herself of. She looked over her chest, seeing the light brown nipples lying flat on the petite hills, smooth areola surrounding. Tears priced at her eyes as she remembered what happened next.  
  
The door had opened and her mother walked in, already talking.  
  
"Daria, time for lunch." her voice trailed off as she saw her daughter sitting there, poking between her legs. Helen screamed at the top of her lungs, leaping across the room and slapping Daria for the first and last time of her life, knocking her to the ground in numbing pain and confusion.  
  
Helen took the biology book and ripped it to shreds in front of the scared, naked child.  
  
"This is bad Daria! Very, very bad!!!" she had repeated in frenzy as she ripped.  
  
Jake rushed into the room to see what was going on.  
  
"What is it, Helen," he pointed did not look at his daughter as she laid there naked, something little Daria noticed right away and started to think there was something wrong with her being naked.  
  
"She-she.was touching herself!" Helen reached down and grabbed Daria by the arm and shook her repeatedly, saying, "that is bad and dirty and sick Daria. Touching yourself is very wrong!"  
  
Jake continued to look away from his child but repeated the words, "yes, Daria! Very bad and disgusting, never do it again!"  
  
"People will think you're very bad if you do that, do you understand?" Helen asked.  
  
Little Daria burst into tears and nodded her head. Helen let her go and the two parents backed out of the room.  
  
"Now get dressed and come down for lunch," Helen said before closing the door.  
  
Small Daria cried for a few minutes more before getting her clothes. She squished her eyes shut as she did so she wouldn't look at herself since that might be "bad" too.  
  
Feelings of shame and revulsion twisted into Daria as she hooked her thumbs into her underwear and pushed to down quickly, seeing her sex for the first time since she was seven. Her stomach finally rebelled and she rushed down the hall to the bathroom naked and threw up into the toilet, retching loudly as her meager days nutrition came up. When she was done she sat there crying, alone. 


	12. Found

It was like a great army was marching down the halls of Lawndale high. A great force to be reckoned with and everyone could feel it. The great power in the perverse mixture of the leader and her followers.  
  
Something was very wrong in the state of Lawndale it seemed and everyone stepped back from the advancing group.  
  
Jane led the way as the Fashion club followed her down the corridors of their school. People stared in blank wonder at this site. The self proclaimed outcast, Jane lane was leading the four fashion vixens out of the school on some quest that must mean great importance for this colossal team up of social super powers!  
  
"Jane," Tiffany said in a whiny drawl. "Can you slow down? All this walking is making me dizzy."  
  
"No time, toots!" Jane replied. "Daria's not in her class so she must be at home."  
  
"Yeah, she doesn't have enough of a life to be anywhere else," Quinn quipped.  
  
"Tiffany, I gotta ask you something," Jane, said when they were outside of the school and down the road. "How is it that you have enough energy to use a vibrator on yourself but get tired whenever you pick up a pencil?"  
  
"Because," the words dragging out. "I get energy from masturbating. Its like the only time that I feel really alive."  
  
Everyone sort of paused to think about what Tiffany had said. Each of them though about the rush they got at the end, the really good kind you can only get from your own knowledgeable hand. Maybe even the added thrill of having someone watch you like Sandi did.  
  
"I guess I cans see that," Jane said. "But did it ever occur to you that just eating three meals a day could do the same energy?"  
  
"But why would I want to get fat when I can masturbate?"  
  
"Because then it would be better?" Jane asked rhetorically.  
  
"But then I'd be fat!"  
  
Not even bothering to go the 'your not fat' route Jane said "then one day you will just get to weak to do it. Or anything sexual!"  
  
Tiffany seemed to think about it (and Jane had to grudgingly admit that she was "thinking") for a long time, looking herself over and come to a decision.  
  
"Hey," she said. "Does anybody have any food?"  
  
Once again masturbation saves a life.  
  
They finally got to the Morgendorffer house, Tiffany chewing on a granola bar that Sandi had, and Quinn opened the door.  
  
"Mi casa et su casa," Quinn said nervously. They all knew why they were there but they still weren't exactly sure what they were going to do.  
  
"Hey, Daria!" Jane yelled. "You home?"  
  
There was no answer. Jane gave Quinn a worried look.  
  
"So is she home or isn't she?" Sandi asked impatiently.  
  
Jane glanced at Quinn who said, "She's probably up in here room, let go."  
  
Everyone followed Quinn up the carpeted stairs to the second floor. They were headed to Daria's room when the passed the bathroom and all gasped when they looked inside.  
  
There was Daria, naked, passed out it seemed, but the toilet that had puke inside and some on the bowl. The tears were still fresh around her puffy eyes.  
  
"Jesus Christ! Daria!" Jane exclaimed, running in and hoisting her friend into a sitting position. Daria's head rolled back, her mouth fell open but her breath came slow and even from her lungs.  
  
"Somebody help me get her out of here," Jane said to the group. They all looked like rabbits caught in headlights with shock and revulsion. Sandi was the first one to get herself together and come forward. She grabbed Daria's legs and lifted while Jane got her arms under Daria's. They picked her up and maneuvered her out of the bathroom and into Daria's. The three let them pass with Tiffany and Stacy following. Quinn turned back to the mess and shuddered thinking how she was probably going to have to clean it up before mom and dad got home. She lifted a foot and shoed the flush lever, getting rid of at least most of it.  
  
"At least Daria's aim isn't that bad," Quinn muttered to herself before going across the hall with the others.  
  
In the room Jane and Sandi had laid Daria on her bed and covered her with a blanket. She was very pale and seemed to be deep asleep.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" Stacy asked hysterically, crying.  
  
"I don't know," Jane answered. She stoked Daria's limp hair, feeling like crying herself. Daria looked like she had aged ten years in the couple of hours since she last saw her.  
  
"All this just because she can't jack herself off? How pathetic." Sandi sneered from a chair in front of the bed. She had the shoebox on her lap now and it was obvious she was not letting it out of her sight for a moment.  
  
"Sandi just shut the fuck up!" Jane shouted, anger boiling inside her.  
  
"Why?" Sandi shot back. "It's the truth. Look at her. She found out that everyone does something that she cant and she completely shuts down. She's always wanting to be different and when she sees that she truly is she upchucks and just falls asleep. That's what happened and you know it."  
  
Jane hated Sandi but she also hated herself because she knew that she was right. When Daria spouted about being different it was always on her terms, now something way beyond her control had come up and she was hiding.  
  
Silence ensued as they all looked at the broken girl sleeping on the bed and wondered when or if she would wake up. 


	13. Too Awake

Daria slowly swam out of the comforting dreamless dark. Cautiously her mind started to use its senses, hearing people talk someone. She could feel that she was lying on something, something soft. Her own bed. The voices started to break through her haze in earnest. Much like Kevin using his head in the only way he could, smashing through a defensive line. She could hear the familiar voices but there was something wrong with them. As she drifted higher she knew what it was. It wasn't he voices themselves; it was the combination of voices.  
  
The first coherent thing she heard was someone who sounded suspiciously like Sandi say, "I am so not impressed!"  
  
"You know this room could use a few more bright colours," Staci's voice chirped annoyingly.  
  
"Staci," her best friends vexed voice said. "Could you not rearrange a persons room while their comatose on their bed?"  
  
"Actually I think she would be a lot less gloomy if this place was spruced up a little," her insipid sibling said.  
  
"Touch anything and I'll tell mom how the car really ended up in the Lawndale reservoir last weekend," Daria muttered.  
  
Everyone went dead when they heard the faint whisper. Daria slowly opened her eyes to see not only Jane leaning over her but the entire fashion club invading her room.  
  
"And they say you have to be on acid to have fucked up dreams like this," she said very clearly.  
  
Everyone gasped.  
  
"Okay," Sandi admitted. "Now I am impressed."  
  
"Daria," Jane said softly, brushing hair out of her face. "You okay, sweetie?"  
  
"Oh yeah, top of the morning. Give me a minute and I'll start a merry old jig," Daria replied, starting to sit up, noticed she was still naked and clutched the blanket tighter as she did. "Can I get some privacy so I can dress?"  
  
"Not after all the trouble you've caused," Sandi said, laying her hand on the shoebox.  
  
"Why are you in my room anyway?" Daria said angrily. Sitting naked was not helping her temper. "If you want it just take it! It's been a bigger pain to me then it has for you!"  
  
"That's why their here," Jane cut in. "we're going to help you."  
  
"Jane, I'm not getting this! Help with what?" Daria asked.  
  
"With like you mental problems!" Quinn said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"Look," Daria started, sitting as tall as she could, looking at each of them in turn. "I don't need any help! I am perfectly fine and.Tiffany, are you eating a cookie?"  
  
Tiffany, mouth full of peanut butter and chocolate chip, simply nodded.  
  
Daria just stared at her as if she had two heads until Jane cleared her throat.  
  
"Daria, I'm your best friend and I know something is wrong. I'm not totally sure what it is but I have theories but you gotta open up a little." Jane said.  
  
Daria could just not process this. Her mind had already gone into shut down once today and she was on the verge of another.  
  
"You all do realize that your weirdness rating is through the roof," Daria said.  
  
"Oh, yeah, we all know that quite well," Jane said. When Daria looked around she could see that they all thought it. And stranger still was a seeming willingness to help her. Even Sandi seemed grudgingly prepared to go all the way. " So what is wrong?"  
  
"Look, I'm just having the normal body issues of every teenagers, okay?"  
  
"Daria," Quinn quipped. "Last time I checked I never passed out by the toilet after throwing up naked."  
  
Daria went beet red and said, "alright. This meeting is over." Before trying to get up. Jane pushed her back down.  
  
"Daria, listen," Jane began. "Obviously you think there is something wrong with your body and maybe what your body can do but you just can't face it. And I guess there is only one way to show you there is nothing wrong with yours or anyone else's."  
  
Then, to Daria's utmost horror, Jane started to undress.  
  
The other, seeing her do the same, hesitantly did likewise.  
  
How does a day go from bad to so much fucking worse so goddamn fast? Daria wondered. 


	14. Finally

It was so surreal.  
  
To Daria, watching her best friend and worst enemies undressing in her room was akin to her walls suddenly turning to taffy and melting onto the floor. The shock and panic were too much for her to actually say anything to the overt action. She simply groaned and pulled the blanket over her head and blotted everything out.  
  
For the fashion furies it was about on the same level of mass hypnotism, following Sandi's lead. Already enthralled by their leader Sandi, they just followed her lead.  
  
For Sandi it was beyond surreal.  
  
It seemed countless hours passed from when Jane first tugged her red shirt off and she undid the first button. She wasn't even sure why she was doing this. A part of her knew that this was the only way to reach through that thick skull of Daria's. Sandi was about as stubborn as they came and she knew that whenever her brothers or parents wanted to get her even acknowledged their pitiful little opinions they needed to do something drastic.  
  
Maybe what Daria needed was to be blown right out of her mind a little before she can truly find it again. Broken eggs and omelets and all that.  
  
The other three just stared at Sandi. One hard look and they all fell into line.  
  
All was quiet but for the soft rustling of clothes, snap of buttons and whisper of clothe on skin. Everyone followed Jane, piece for piece. She stopped when she reached her bra and panties, sitting unselfconsciously. The other four were a bit more nervous but kept their hands by their sides, knowing what was expected of them.  
  
"Daria, please come out from there," Jane said softly.  
  
"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin," Daria deadpanned.  
  
"Dammit, Daria!" Jane shouted. "You can't just throw your fucking sarcasm at everything and expect it to go away! You have to deal with this."  
  
"Here's a deal for you, you go away and I wont have you committed to a sanitarium," came the voice from under the blanket.  
  
Sandi, patience finally snapping so harshly it was almost audible, gave a cry of frustration and rushed the bed, grabbed the blanket and yanked it not only off of Daria but also right across the room.  
  
Daria did a very un-Daria like girlish screech and wrapped her arms around her knees and clamping her eyes shut, doing her best imitation of a ball rocking in the wind.  
  
"Sandi!" Jane hissed. "What the fuck do you think your doing?"  
  
"Cutting through all this bullshit," Sandi shot back. "I'm sitting here in my Victoria secrets and I am not pleased! And we need to move this along, the Beverly Hills 90210 reunion is on in a couple of hours."  
  
Jane just stared at the girl for a second before saying, "does your universe even remotely bisect the real one?"  
  
This started another bitchfest between the two girls that rapidly escalated. In the meylay Quinn looked over at her sister and saw that she hadn't moved, only still gently rocking on her bed, looking like a child lost in a land of monsters. She got up and headed across the room, passing between Jane and Sandi who stopped bickering to follow her. Quinn picked up the thrown blanket, threw it over her sister's shoulders and sat on the bed. She quietly put her arms around her shaking sister and rocked with her.  
  
"Its okay, Daria," she said quietly, stroking her hair. "It's going to be okay."  
  
Jane left her own seat, guilt and shame flooding her chest. She sat on Daria's other side and held her, saying she was sorry over and over, for not seeing this sooner, for not being there when she was needed, for fighting with Sandi when Daria needed help.  
  
In the two embraces Daria slowly loosened, muscles relaxed. Hot tears began to fall over her cheeks and onto her knees where her head rested. All was quiet in the room for a time that no one counted as Daria sobbed while her best friend and sister held her. Not even Sandi dared to break this moment. Only when Daria had finally quieted did someone speak.  
  
"This has been like so cool!" Tiffany stated. Everyone just stared at her, including Daria who had to show her respectful attention for such a comment.  
  
"I'm so glad my pain and suffering hold so much amusement for you, Tiffany," Daria droned. "Next week you can put me on the rack and get some real chuckles."  
  
"Not like that," Tiffany drawled. "I mean how everyone has come together to do something good. That is really cool."  
  
"Yeah, it is kinda cool," Jane, agreed with a smile. "Isn't it, Daria? All of us coming together to help you out?  
  
"Alright, so I have a problem," Daria finally relented. "But I don't see how all of you sitting around in your unmentionables is going to help in anyway. In fact it's making me very nervous."  
  
"That's the whole point!" Quinn chirped in. "you gotta see that there's nothing to be nervous about. Its just skin, Daria."  
  
"You see skin, I see traumatic horror."  
  
"Okay," Jane said. "But why?"  
  
Daria attempted to bury herself under the blankets again but Quinn grabbed them. "Do that again and I'll sic Sandi on you."  
  
Daria sighed. "Look, guys, I appreciate what your trying to do but.." Daria wasn't sure how to finish that statement. Its not like she was doing such a fabulous job of handling the situation by herself. Passing out by the toilet you just ralphed in would not be recommended by Doctor Phil.  
  
"Look, its just some deep seated trauma that you all know I have an abundance of, cant we just leave it at that?" Daria asked in waning hope.  
  
"After making me strip?" Sandi sneered. "I think not!"  
  
On the off chance that they would all leave her alone afterwards she started to relate what had happened earlier and when she was a child, speaking in monotone with no highs or lows. Great weather announcing it would have been.  
  
After the tale everyone just sat in shock and disgust at what Daria had gone through.  
  
"That is just so fucking STUPID" Stacy shirked suddenly, no longer feeling completely out of her depth. "I'm sorry Daria but your parents are just stupid, mean creeps! I mean like what were they thinking doing to you? Don't they have any idea what something like that can do? They didn't stop to think that maybe they were scarring their child for life, nnnooOOOooo."  
  
"STACY, HEEL!" Sandi commanded.  
  
Stacy shut up.  
  
"Yeah, I think Stacy summed up pretty much how all of us feel," Jane said. "But Daria, you have to get past this. How are you going to live if every time you see yourself naked or even see your cooze, you faint?"  
  
"First, I ask you not to refer to it as a cooze," Daria said. "Second, I've gotten this far. A few more years of practice at denial and I'll be able to deny myself. I've already mastered denying my family." She added looking pointedly at Quinn.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry about that!" Quinn exclaimed. "And you know what mom and dad did was wrong. They got all freaked out over something and didn't think what they were doing to you.  
  
"The point is Daria," Sandi cut in. "what are you going to live your life by, something that your parents said when you were a kid or what we are saying now and you know? Who's smarter, you or them?"  
  
The answer to that question took all off a nanosecond to be answered.  
  
"Sandi," Daria asked. "Did you ever think of going into psychology?"  
  
"Yes, but the guidance counselor said something about lack or patience or whatever."  
  
Daria couldn't help but grin when everyone except Sandi laughed. 


	15. The beginning

Daria entered the pizza shop and quickly found her best friend in their usual booth. Jane waved as she approached. It was a Saturday and the day after her intervention of sorts. Jane the fashion club left shortly after she confessed she had a serious problem with her body. Jane had seen no need to push any further then. Just getting someone as stubborn as Daria to admit defeat was enough for one night.  
  
Daria slid into the booth across from her friend. "Hello and thank you."  
  
Jane sipping on her soda paused and asked for what.  
  
"For trying to help me. I never actually thanked you last night for what you did. Thanks," she said again.  
  
"Well shucks, Daria, your welcome," Jane drawled. "So how do you feel today," she added seriously.  
  
"Better then I did yesterday," Daria said, munching thoughtfully on a slice. "I stayed awake all night thinking about what you guys did and said. Around 4am I started replaying in my head what Sandi had said, 'Who's smarter, you or them?' and I know that I am. That what they had done was wrong and that I shouldn't be ashamed. I was a fucking child!"  
  
Jane listened carefully, not flinching when Daria uncharacteristic swear came out. This was the most important part, Daria talking it out.  
  
"I mean, Goddamit," Daria went on. "Who the fuck were they to do that to me? Now I'm going to carry this for the rest of my life even though I know they are wrong and I have nothing to be ashamed of."  
  
"Your right," Jane said. "Its your body, not theirs. They have no say in what you do with it. And the most important thing is to push through that."  
  
"And just how do I do that, oh wise one?" Daria quipped, stealing some of Jane's soda.  
  
"With this," Jane declared, reaching between her and the wall and placing the ever-famous pink shoebox on the table.  
  
"Oh my God, Jane," Daria fell forward and covered her face in her hands. "You can't be serious."  
  
"Oh I'm dead serious, toots," Jane said in her best tough voice. Jane watched her friend continue to hide in her hands and softened her voice, taking Daria's hands off her sad face. "Look, Daria, your going to have to do this eventually. If you ever really want to get over what your folks did to you, you have to be comfortable enough to touch your body and get pleasure from it. Do you see that?"  
  
Daria sighed and said that she did. She looked over at the box and snatched it up. She got up and headed for the door as Jane asked her where she was going.  
  
"I'm going to do this now while I still have the nerve," Daria said not looking back.  
  
Jane smiled at the back of her friend whispering good luck as the door swung closed.  
  
We all have to give Daria props for just walking home all the way with that hot coal under her arm. It seemed more then just an illusion that everyone knew what was in the box she held. It seemed an ironclad certainty that every one had x-ray vision and was calling their friends.  
  
'That freak Daria girl is carrying a vibrator around town. Lets all wait outside her house and lynch her.'  
  
"Okay, maybe lynch is a little strong."Daria mused making it to her empty yard and heading inside. She was never so glad as to have nobody home. She really didn't think she could handle an inquiry into the boxes contents from her mother. Jake wouldn't ask but would worry for some unknown reason.  
  
She trudged up the stairs into her room and laid the box on the bed, grabbed her chair and again went about staring at it. She felt rooted to the spot because she knew the next time she moved would be to open it.  
  
She eventually got up and flipped the lid off to show the pink 7-inch sex toy inside. She turned away and sat back down, staring at it some more.  
  
Eventually again she got up and took it out of the box. She held it in her hand, fully feeling it all over, thinking very graphically about where it had been and what it did. That led her to leaving her room with it and heading to the bathroom. She had no don't in her mind that the members of the fashion club would give up makeup before letting their unmentionables get a little ripe but still best be careful. She knew what she was doing was dangerous anyway but this was something she had to do.  
  
She took some of Quinn's liquid soap and washed the shaft very thoroughly and rinsed it off. Then after drying it on Quinn's towel (if she were the most comfortable person on earth she would still do that) she headed back to her room, closed and locked the door. The lock had been a bribe for Daria to babysit Quinn for one of Helen's last minute meetings. It had been one of the few times that Daria actually had somewhere to go.  
  
Daria, in grim determination swept the box onto the floor and quickly undressed. Her throat almost started to close but she kept repeating nothing is wrong with this in an endless mental chant.  
  
She laid down on her bed on her back and looked at the vibrator again. She took a deep breath and turned the dial on the end, feeling the shaft start to quiver in her hand. Daria sucked in her breath and thrust the apparatus between her legs and touched it blindly over her cunny with exaggerated strokes.  
  
The word to best describe the feeling was creepy. It was like this hyperactive alien was poking at her body. She let out a depressed breath and switched it off, lying dejected.  
  
"Am I doing something wrong?" she asked out loud. "Or am I still just that bizarre."  
  
Maybe she was supposed to be thinking or sex. She tried again, picturing herself with Tom, him on top of her thrusting away between her legs, even imagining the grunts and groans. She flicked it on and attacked herself again with no results. She almost threw the thing across the room this time.  
  
She laid back and thought for a while thinking what was wrong. She did want to do this. But the real reason of this was that she just didn't know how to bring herself off. No wonder Tom never got anywhere with her. Maybe not even Trent would have been able to. Her mind drifted a bit, going over the differences of Tom and Trent. She remembered how once, she had seen both of them topless.  
  
While Tom had been dating Jane, Daria had come over to find Tom helping Trent load his van with equipment. It was the hottest day of summer and the heat shimmered off the driveway in searing waves. The two boys didn't even see her come up and stop in her tracks, watching their muscles ripple under stretched skin. Sweat had beaded on their backs and arms from the heat.  
  
Back in her room, Daria suddenly realized that she did feel hot. Very hot and it wasn't the temperature. She looked down and watched in some amazement as her nipples started to slowly harden and stand up firm. A very faint tingle was building between her legs and up her thighs.  
  
"Guess I forgot the foreplay," Daria mused. Her fingers hesitantly moved over her breasts, feeling the hard nubs tenderly. Never having touched them when they were erect before she strummed her fingers over them lightly, her mind glazing a bit from the soft shocks of bliss that flowed from the points all through her.  
  
She began to replay that day in front of Jane's house over and over, seeing it as clearly as possible. Her hands stroked her whole breasts slowly, building up the desire further. Daria wouldn't let her mind dwell on anything but the picture in her head, letting her hands go by themselves, learning.  
  
The fingers trailed over, between and around her breasts, sliding away from her gently raising chest and down her stomach. Her breathing started to hitch when her hands reach for her vagina, her throat closing again.  
  
"Its okay, its okay," she chanted her mantra again. Her throat slowly opened again and her hands plunged between her legs.  
  
Her mind went into chaos.  
  
There was a part of her mind screaming, actually screaming, like a child in a dark room with some kind of monster. Every restraint inside of her fought to move her hands away from the bad place, this was bad, very bad, something that was disgusting and wrong! The conscious part of her mind fought back with everything it had, staking its claim in its mind and this body. Tears started to fall from Daria's eyes as the memory flooded back and her parents screaming at her. She kept her hands where they were.  
  
Eventually, and very slowly, the tempest receded, leaving only a flavor of what was there before, a bad after taste. Daria breathed deeply and felt around cautiously, aware of the moisture that had collected by her previous dreaming and touching. She went back to her memory and let her hands take over again. They searched around for the spots that felt good as she dreamed. One finger brushed her clitoris and she sucked in breath at the sudden jolt. It was so alien to be weird. But in a good way.  
  
She didn't place any fingers inside herself during all this, jut felt and touched and got to know herself. Her hips made the slightest movement against her fingers causing just a little more friction.  
  
This all started to feel good.  
  
Daria reached over and lifted the vibrator. Turning it on low she laid it lightly against her dampened vagina and slid it slowly over the blood filled flesh. Daria's other hand lay on her stomach, feeling the muscles clench as more shocks ran through her. Her breath came deeper now, her head to one side with her eyes closed. The endless cycling movie in her head never stopping.  
  
The feeling seemed to crest and then recede, reach up high again, and then fade back. Daria masturbated for another 15 minutes before lifting the toy from herself and switching it off.  
  
She laid for a while, just reveling in what she had done, amazed that she felt no guilt in what she had done. She got of her bed naked and opened her closet door and looked into the mirror. Her usually pale body was flushed with blood, giving her a decidedly rosy glow.  
  
"If anything I'm not so pale anymore," Daria quipped before shutting the door again. As she got dressed she heard the front door open and shut and Quinn's voice ring through the house.  
  
"Anybody home?"  
  
Daria placed the vibrator back in the box and opened her door and called down that's she was. Quinn climbed the stairs and regarded her sister who leaned against her doorjamb.  
  
"You okay?" Quinn asked.  
  
"Still alive," Daria answered. "Look, Quinn, thanks for what you did for me last night."  
  
"Oh, no biggy! You would have done the same for me." Quinn waved aside with a hand.  
  
Daria thought that if Quinn had said that three days okay.  
  
"Guess so," Daria said instead.  
  
"So," Quinn said slowly. "Jane was supposed to give the box to you did she?"  
  
"She did."  
  
"Did you use it?"  
  
"Yes I did."  
  
"And????"  
  
"Not so bad," Daria said after some thought.  
  
Quinn fidgeted a bit and said, "so I guess your pretty tired of it by now, I'll just take it off your hands if you want."  
  
"That wont be necessary," Daria said.  
  
Quinn was shocked. "But."  
  
"I'll return it to Tiffany on Monday myself."  
  
"But."  
  
"Thank you, Quinn. Goodbye." Daria finished, shutting the door to her room in her sister's face.  
  
It takes more then just one lesson to learn how to drive after all, Daria thought with a smile, stripping her clothes off again and just looking in the mirror at herself, working on seeing the beauty instead of the flaws. 


End file.
